How to start brainstorming your college admission and scholarship essays.

I recently began working with a student on his college admission and scholarship essays. His parents told me that they started the process, encouraging their son to write a list of possible essay topics. His parents were giving him the best advice they could. It makes sense, right? Come up with a list of possible topics, then talk through that list.

But how do you know what is best? As parents, we want to help. We want to give our kids the best chance to succeed. But what do you do when you don’t really know?

So, I encouraged his parents to change the assignment. Instead of making a list of possible topics for his essay, I asked him to make a list of life moments. This is what I told them:

“As he thinks about his essay(s), especially his Common App essay, it’s important to think about moments that have shaped him as a person, not what he thinks universities want to hear. Again, instead of thinking about general topics, he needs to think about moments that really impacted him, especially moments he failed, experienced something bad, experienced something good, learned something, etc. What I will do is help him create a narrative based on those moments. Universities want to know that the student is teachable and aware of the world beyond themselves.”

Is this the advice you were expecting? You haven’t been to college in how many years? We all need a bit of help sometimes.

So, if the first step is to make a list of important life moments, the second step is to think about themes.

After your student makes a list of life moments, ask them to think about themes. What themes come to the surface as they look at this list? Are there themes of failure or learning the hard way? Or is the essay focused on something they’re passionate about, showing how this passion has developed over several years?

The more focused the essay is, the better. Don’t make the essay bigger than you are.

Four questions to help your student identify themes:

1. What drives and motivates you? What makes you really excited?

2. What do you find really hard? How does that motivate you to be better?

3. What are things only your closest friends know? Do those things help us understand you and your background better?

4. What is something you did or witnessed that has shaped who you are as a person? This can be something small or big.

A few years ago, I read an essay that focused on disappointment and realizing that they have to choose to be better. The essay started with the student talking about a time when they disappointed their parents. They started a fight at school and their father had to come pick them up. It was the disappointment their father felt. The realization that they made a big mistake. That their decision hurt the people around them. It was vulnerable and raw. And this student got a scholarship. They didn’t talk about how awesome they are. They didn’t talk about a weakness that is really a strength (I’ve heard this advice given to so many students from well-meaning guidance counselors). They talked about a real moment where they messed up. That is powerful and demonstrates a self-awareness most 18 year olds don’t want to reveal.

It may seem counterintuitive in a world where we only let people know about how we are living our best life. YOLO! In a fake, social media world, being real will get you noticed.

So, when brainstorming what to write about, think about the small moments in your life that have shaped you. The small moments where you had to stop and think. Those moments where you had to choose what kind of person you want to be. These are the moments that are powerful and will get admission and scholarship committees to consider your application.